In my last post I discussed 1 Corinthians 13:5, but the last portion of this verse is so dear to my heart I wanted to dedicate some time to it. All of these verses are important but the portion that touches my heart most is:
1 Corinthians 13:5.e
(AMP) Love takes no account of the evil done to it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong].
(MSG) Love doesn't keep score of the sins of others.
(NIV) Love keeps no record of wrongs.
This is a BIG one! When we mess up, big or little, Jesus forgives and forgets all about it. Jesus will never say to us: "Remember when you messed up last time, I can't trust that you'll do any better this time because of how you acted before." Jesus just gives his heart over and trusts that we are going to love Him enough this time to make a better and more discerning decision that honors Him. We should choose to be this way with our children and our spouses. We cannot take what our children did yesterday and expect that, that will be a constant for them, especially if they were disciplined for it. We cannot take what our spouses did in their past, before we were married, and remind them of it whenever it rises up as an insecurity for us, or they make us mad. This can only breed anger and resentment in relationships.
Jesus love and mercy towards us is so amazing that each new day is like the tide coming in, it washes away all the sins that we committed, and gives us a fresh start.
Unfortunately this principle does not apply in some circumstances. When you are in a relationship with someone who is attacking you over and over, physically or otherwise, you cannot keep forgiving them and expect that things will be different next time. If you are in relationship with someone who continuously breaks your heart, especially if you aren't married or related to them, and you set a boundary that is broken over and over again, you cannot just forgive them and allow them to keep hurting you. If you are married and your spouse is abusing you, you cannot overlook the evil in them, you have to get out and get away. If your spouse, however, is willing to make changes and to be better and shows fruit of that change, then you can forgive and move forward together.
As you now know I was married to an abusive man for a few years. Over those years he abused me in every way. He abused me with his words on a daily basis, he would shove me out of his way, he would elbow me, and treat me poorly. He would tell me that I was not allowed to eat certain things because they belonged to him and that I was fat. He controlled the way I dressed, when I got to shower, weather or not I could wear makeup, and more. Abuse can be so many things, even things that are disguised as something else like anger.
One day Danny woke up and I was fixing breakfast, he told me to make him a piece of toast with jelly. So, I put a slice of bread in the toaster, and as it toasted Danny said "Didn't you clean the toaster out like I told you to yesterday?" Of course I had, I did nothing but what he told me to do. "I smell burning crumbs, so I know you didn't do it!" Danny screamed as he ripped the toaster cord out of the wall and stomped over to the front door. Then he opened the door and cocked his arms back behind his head and chucked the toaster out the front door as hard as he could. When he came back in the kitchen he told me I needed to go outside and get the toaster and fix it! I handed him his piece of toast, and he replied "next time put about 20% less jelly on my toast."
Looking back on this, it seems so ridiculous, and kinda silly, and I can definitely laugh at it now... but when I was living that kind of behavior all the time every day, I was completely intimidated, and terrified. I am one of the lucky few, I had people in my life to encourage me to leave, to take a break, and to try and entice him to change. I got out, and I am safe! Hallelujah!!!
But that hasn't stopped Danny from trying to convince me to come back to him. At least once a month I receive something in the mail from him asking me to come back. He always has a story about how things will be different now, but he has made absolutely no effort to change his behavior or be a better man!
If there is someone in your life who intimidates, dominates, injures, or harms you, you need to get help. Make an plan, find someone who will help you (I can help) and get out!
There are some nay-sayers out there who will tell you that the bible speaks against leaving your marriage, or divorcing an abusive partner. But that is a lie, and an Old-school way of thinking that was not based on biblical truth.
Jesus love and mercy towards us is so amazing that each new day is like the tide coming in, it washes away all the sins that we committed, and gives us a fresh start.
Unfortunately this principle does not apply in some circumstances. When you are in a relationship with someone who is attacking you over and over, physically or otherwise, you cannot keep forgiving them and expect that things will be different next time. If you are in relationship with someone who continuously breaks your heart, especially if you aren't married or related to them, and you set a boundary that is broken over and over again, you cannot just forgive them and allow them to keep hurting you. If you are married and your spouse is abusing you, you cannot overlook the evil in them, you have to get out and get away. If your spouse, however, is willing to make changes and to be better and shows fruit of that change, then you can forgive and move forward together.
As you now know I was married to an abusive man for a few years. Over those years he abused me in every way. He abused me with his words on a daily basis, he would shove me out of his way, he would elbow me, and treat me poorly. He would tell me that I was not allowed to eat certain things because they belonged to him and that I was fat. He controlled the way I dressed, when I got to shower, weather or not I could wear makeup, and more. Abuse can be so many things, even things that are disguised as something else like anger.
One day Danny woke up and I was fixing breakfast, he told me to make him a piece of toast with jelly. So, I put a slice of bread in the toaster, and as it toasted Danny said "Didn't you clean the toaster out like I told you to yesterday?" Of course I had, I did nothing but what he told me to do. "I smell burning crumbs, so I know you didn't do it!" Danny screamed as he ripped the toaster cord out of the wall and stomped over to the front door. Then he opened the door and cocked his arms back behind his head and chucked the toaster out the front door as hard as he could. When he came back in the kitchen he told me I needed to go outside and get the toaster and fix it! I handed him his piece of toast, and he replied "next time put about 20% less jelly on my toast."
Looking back on this, it seems so ridiculous, and kinda silly, and I can definitely laugh at it now... but when I was living that kind of behavior all the time every day, I was completely intimidated, and terrified. I am one of the lucky few, I had people in my life to encourage me to leave, to take a break, and to try and entice him to change. I got out, and I am safe! Hallelujah!!!
But that hasn't stopped Danny from trying to convince me to come back to him. At least once a month I receive something in the mail from him asking me to come back. He always has a story about how things will be different now, but he has made absolutely no effort to change his behavior or be a better man!
If there is someone in your life who intimidates, dominates, injures, or harms you, you need to get help. Make an plan, find someone who will help you (I can help) and get out!
There are some nay-sayers out there who will tell you that the bible speaks against leaving your marriage, or divorcing an abusive partner. But that is a lie, and an Old-school way of thinking that was not based on biblical truth.
Proverbs 22:3
A prudent person sees trouble coming and ducks;
a simpleton walks in blindly and is clobbered.
*Lord Jesus guide us, and help us to see that you love us so much, and never want to see us in danger! Help us to apply the principle of loving others by forgiving and moving forward with those who will not hurt us. Lord let us be examples of your love and mercy. Help us to evaluate the relationships we are in so that we can be safe. Let us follow you! In Jesus name I pray amen! *