Single motherhood can be totally draining, exhausting, frustrating, hurtful, and downright chaotic. But being a mother is such a special gift, and all the worst times are rewarded with the best love from the most beautiful hearts (Your children). This is not a sappy or romanticized look at single motherhood, this is for real. But before I get into the single mom reality I want to place a disclaimer on this post. I am by no means suggesting AT ALL through any of these posts about being a single mom that being a single mom is a good idea, or advocating for having children before marriage. I wholeheartedly believe that every child needs, wants, and deserves both a mom and a dad, just sometimes the circumstances aren't right or safe for that to be possible.
Back to your regularly scheduled blog post....
Most of you know by now, from reading my other blog posts, that I am a single mother because I was in an abusive marriage and I was able to leave. But after I left and was living with my parents my father developed a disabling condition. So soon after I moved home I was dealing with single motherhood to a 1 year old, I was pregnant, and I was taking care of my father during the day so that my mom could work. It was difficult, but then it got harder. My youngest son was born and he had too high of a Bilirubin count which meant trips to the doctor every day for blood tests, and then he got ear infections every month until he was a year old. My fathers health got worse, and we were consistently making trips to the ER for him to be treated. On top of dealing with all of this, I was trying my very best to cope with my PTSD symptoms, and paranoia about Danny coming back to hurt us. It was truly difficult circumstances.
My house was always a mess, littered with toys, spilled drinks, spilled snacks (or whole boxes of cereal), dirty clothes, clean clothes that were now sitting in the spilled drink that hadn't gotten cleaned up yet, and the dishes were piled high! For the first year I had a very active toddler, and an infant. Facing the normal struggles of a mother I was awake all day for my toddler and awake all night with my infant! How could I find peace or rest in the midst of that mess? Well... I couldn't! I was fighting a loosing battle with all my might, and I built up hardheartedness, un-forgiveness, and a ton of other callused barriers around my heart. I became angry at my circumstances, and at my past, and at Danny for ruining my future. I was such a mess that I couldn't sleep at night, and my body was in turmoil.
After living like that for three years, my oldest son was ready for preschool. God blessed me with a job, and an awesome preschool (and preschool teacher). Soon after that I was able to get a buy-here-pay-here car, and my independence began. We were able to move to another town (With my dad) and we felt safer than we had for a long time. It was at this point that God brought me to a place where I could finally rest. I started really believing that I was being cared for by God, and I got peace from this verse which I would read over and over each night.
Back to your regularly scheduled blog post....
Most of you know by now, from reading my other blog posts, that I am a single mother because I was in an abusive marriage and I was able to leave. But after I left and was living with my parents my father developed a disabling condition. So soon after I moved home I was dealing with single motherhood to a 1 year old, I was pregnant, and I was taking care of my father during the day so that my mom could work. It was difficult, but then it got harder. My youngest son was born and he had too high of a Bilirubin count which meant trips to the doctor every day for blood tests, and then he got ear infections every month until he was a year old. My fathers health got worse, and we were consistently making trips to the ER for him to be treated. On top of dealing with all of this, I was trying my very best to cope with my PTSD symptoms, and paranoia about Danny coming back to hurt us. It was truly difficult circumstances.
My house was always a mess, littered with toys, spilled drinks, spilled snacks (or whole boxes of cereal), dirty clothes, clean clothes that were now sitting in the spilled drink that hadn't gotten cleaned up yet, and the dishes were piled high! For the first year I had a very active toddler, and an infant. Facing the normal struggles of a mother I was awake all day for my toddler and awake all night with my infant! How could I find peace or rest in the midst of that mess? Well... I couldn't! I was fighting a loosing battle with all my might, and I built up hardheartedness, un-forgiveness, and a ton of other callused barriers around my heart. I became angry at my circumstances, and at my past, and at Danny for ruining my future. I was such a mess that I couldn't sleep at night, and my body was in turmoil.
After living like that for three years, my oldest son was ready for preschool. God blessed me with a job, and an awesome preschool (and preschool teacher). Soon after that I was able to get a buy-here-pay-here car, and my independence began. We were able to move to another town (With my dad) and we felt safer than we had for a long time. It was at this point that God brought me to a place where I could finally rest. I started really believing that I was being cared for by God, and I got peace from this verse which I would read over and over each night.
In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, O Lord, will keep me safe.
Psalms 4:8
I started viewing my children as a blessing instead of a burden. When all they wanted to do was snuggle and the time that I had was limited, I chose snuggles instead of a clean home. When the boys wanted happy meals and all we had was mac and cheese or peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, we made picnics in the living room instead! When I was stressed out and all I wanted to do was relax, we put on a Disney movie and sang along. There were times when I didn't want to be snuggled, or take time for picnics, or watch a kids movie. There were lots of times when I wanted to be selfish and instead do something I would like, but I chose happiness in watching my sons be fulfilled.
Reading my bible and praying on a daily basis became the source for my joy! Sure I had been praying, but I was praying short little prayers of "Please God..." and reading one bible verse every couple of days. My soul was not being nourished, and my relationship with the Lord was like a blip. I was not filled up with anything but BLAH, and boredom. It wasn't until I made the commitment to read my bible every day, at least one whole chapter, and to pray by talking to God about my life that my life changed. But once I did, every single thing in my single-mom-life became better! I began to feel full, and to be able to pour into others the joy that I had welling up inside of me. Most of all I was able to speak to my children about heaven, and Jesus! Because of this, I have had the opportunity to lead both of my boys to Jesus, and that was worth it right there!
Reading my bible and praying on a daily basis became the source for my joy! Sure I had been praying, but I was praying short little prayers of "Please God..." and reading one bible verse every couple of days. My soul was not being nourished, and my relationship with the Lord was like a blip. I was not filled up with anything but BLAH, and boredom. It wasn't until I made the commitment to read my bible every day, at least one whole chapter, and to pray by talking to God about my life that my life changed. But once I did, every single thing in my single-mom-life became better! I began to feel full, and to be able to pour into others the joy that I had welling up inside of me. Most of all I was able to speak to my children about heaven, and Jesus! Because of this, I have had the opportunity to lead both of my boys to Jesus, and that was worth it right there!
Pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13
Having joy is so very important, and we know that our joy can only come from the Lord. Joy gives us the strength to make it through the day! Even when you feel like your losing, or your circumstances are going to overtake you, you can have an abundance of Joy!!
The Lord is my strength and shield. I trust him with all my heart. He helps me, and my heart is filled with joy. I burst out in songs of thanksgiving. Psalm 28:7
Lord I am so very thankful for the joy that you give us each day through your word! I especially thank you for the power of the Holy Spirit who you gave to us! Lord I pray for all the single mamas out there today who are struggling. I ask you father to reach out to them and to pull them up and fill them with your love and your joy! Help the community of believers to rise up and to care for the single mothers like they would the widows and the orphans. Father I pray that you would prepare the lives of these women so that they can receive your blessings! Let their hearts be open to you and your will, and let them seek out joy today! In the precious name of Jesus I pray. Amen.