Being a single mom I have faced dealing with a lot of these preconceived notions that people have had about single motherhood. There have been times when hearing these cliche' notions cut deep, especially when they were from people who I loved, and thought loved me too. But beyond what I have faced myself, I have seen many women receive hateful treatment because they were, or still are a single mother!
People tend to believe that single mothers are solely women who are: 1. The scum of the earth, 2.Living on welfare, 3. Unkempt, 4. Neglectful, 5. Raised poor /Unintelligent 6. Promiscuous | Lets Bust some of these noxious notions. 1. Women who are single mothers are not the scum of the earth, the scum of the earth are the men who were willing to make a 1 time deposit and then leave. 2.Single mothers may have to use welfare programs in order to survive, but that is what they are there for. Government programs were created to help people who are actually in need so that women and children aren't living under bridges, and starving to death. Also, the system was not created in a way that helps people get on their feet, it only helps people stay in the system longer! 3. Haven't you noticed that most moms, whether single or otherwise are all a little unkempt? A single mother has no one to watch her children so that she can take a shower. A single mother doesn't have money to get her hair cut or styled. A single mother cannot afford to buy stylish clothes. A single mother does it all, 24 hours a day (literally). So if she is a little messy... lets keep it in perspective! 4. First of all lets define what neglect really is. Neglect is: To pay no attention to, to fail in taking care of a child, to disregard. But in caring for children neglect is when a parent chooses not to give their child food or water, leaves them by themselves, or leaves them in a car, letting a child play with dangerous objects, letting the house get infested with insects and vermin. What may look and sound to you like neglect, is survival for a single mom. Letting her children watch a movie so she can sit and rest too, is not neglect. Telling a child to wait a few minutes for a cup of water, it not neglect. Letting her children play in one room while she is in another, is not neglect. Having some crumbs on the floor from snacks being carried through the house, is not neglect. Taking a shower when the children are in bed, is not neglect either! Hopefully you can see the difference! 5. Being raised poor has nothing to do with what kind of a mother someone is, or how smart they are, or their ability to be a mother. Being raised poor means that you had less than others, but may be more resourceful than others as well. It means that you treasure what you do have, and take care of it well. Parenting ability comes from experience, and from what you observed when you were being parented. But like anything else in life, parenting is a choice, and when you become one you get to decide how you treat your children. 6. Being a single mother does not automatically mean that she was promiscuous. It does not mean that she is any of those bad names we call women who have been around the block. There are many more reasons why a woman could be a single mom: Her husband may have passed away, He may have been a war hero, She may have been raped, the father may have left her, She may be one of the lucky few who saved her child(ren) from abuse by leaving! You never know who you are speaking to. |
What single Mothers really are:
Dear Lord, Thank you for making us strong. Help us not to make judgements based upon lies. Help us to see each other through your eyes. Help us to forget our notions and instead have compassion toward someone who is in need of help. Let us lift a sister up, and get her into a life that doesn't feel so trapped. Most of all, father, help us to fix our eyes on you! We love you so very much Lord! In the name of Jesus I pray. Amen!